I Hope I'm Proven Wrong

Man, I can't even say wee!

Why?

I ask myself that question quite often. Usually it stems from a regretful overindulgence or obsessing over a bit of miniutae. However, in more than just a few occasions, it has been due to the self inflicted pain of caring about a sport.

Baseball.

The National Pastime of the United States of America.

The game that has given me a number of emtional deaths.

Why do I keep coming back to baseball? After all the scars you have inflicted on my heart? After all the gut wrench pain you have put me through? After all the misery, tears and what ifs?

I cannot answer that, not right now.

I just know things will be better. Whether it is true or not, whether the pains of an unconditional, one sided love are worth it or whether it is best to become jaded and walk away - those questions mean nothing.

Things will be better.

Come February, come pitchers and catchers reporting, come the promise of Spring and a clean, fresh year - things will be better.

1987. 1989. 2003. 2006. 2009. 2011. 2012.

With each year listed, I flinch. My first heartbreak wasn't to a girl, it was to the Minnesota Twins. When Darrell Evans was picked off third, I learned what fear truly was and what resignation felt like.

I've had my share of romantic heartbreak and disappointment, but none that was steady, constant and all consuming as my love for the Detroit Tigers.

So I will stew, hem and haw. I will mourn the loss. I will swear to high heaven that I will stay away.

Then I will look at the Olde English D and remember the ghosts that I loved and I will be back.

2012 in an MSPaint Nutshell

Those wheels look unsafe at any speed... plus at that angle it looks like this is going to hurt.

So the Tigers managed to get swept by the Royals, sweep the White Sox, and finish up losing 2 out of 3 against the Cleveland Indians. Seriously? I've had random die generators more consistent than this team. Mind you, the Tigers are still in every hunt necessary but watching them find new, exciting (read: not exciting) ways to lose baseball games (offensive lapses in more ways than one) is annoying.

See, I do not like rollercoasters. I am not a big fan of amusement parks or rides or people. All three tend to congregate at those rollercoaster things or you find them in amusement parks and people are something something.

I would genuinely be appreciative if you, Detroit Tigers, would drive a can of corn collectively in the "hearts" (in theory Chi-Sox fans have hearts... in theory) of the White Sox's dreams of playoff promised land. That would make my minute or day or something.

Oh, and thank you for bringing back my two favorite comedians: Don Kelly and Ryan Raburn. This blog would be less interesting without those two (from zero to negative interesting in 2 demotions flat)!

What, me worry?

Now is not the time to let silly things like letting the Royals use your team as a punching bag derail the root-choo train!

The White Sox and Tigers are fighting for first. Let's hope for a Detroit sweep. I don't have anything funny to add.

The R-O-D is present and accounted for in August... the Tigers? Well...

Horror. Horror has a face, and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and mortal terror are your friends. -  Kurtz 

I have no idea just what in the Sam Hill happened but I know crap when I see it and that game was crap. The Orioles take 2 out of 3 from the Tigers and that damned Bird just stares at me. The cold tendrils of the yawning abyss beckon.

On the plus side I had a very nice teriyaki chicken pizza!

Here's how losing feels!

EVIL DPS!

These guys are from the bad side of town.

Thanks a ton, Tigers. All them DPs and all them ways to not score. Thanks guys!

The Return of the Return of the Return of the R-O-D 2!

I'm out of practice... screw you!

The R-O-D is b-a-c-k and s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g every o-t-h-e-r word i-n this s-e-n-t-e-n-c-e! Aw yeah! Or should that be aw y-e-a-h? Forget it - let's talk about The Detroit Tigers!

The Tigers face off against the Baltimore Orioles this weekend and it is a battle of Wild Card Contenders. The Tigers took game one 5-3 thanks to 3 home runs (2 2 run home runs from Prince Fielder). I listened to the game on the radio and wondered just what the hell was going on. I missed every single home run that happened (4, I think) and then I came home and made this terrible thing.

However, this beats what I thought during the Yankees/Rangers games - when I wanted to beat the bullpen (and Teri-bal Sanchez) for their awful performances. (PS: MLivers, you can totally use Teri-bal!)

What is the point of this half asleep recap? There is no point. The Tigers won and maybe can stave off the soulless Oriole Bird's minions long enough to survive. That bird is scary!

Eyes are the Windows to the Soul Prison

Look at that thing! He is waiting, lusting for souls to devour. Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Fuck you, Oriole Bird! Go feed on misery and hopelessness in Cleveland (where it is a permanent resident).

PS: Chicago lost to Kansas City meaning the Tigers are back to being 1.5 games out of first place. Cram it Hawk!

Exit the Error Wizard

All Glove, Love sans Stick. 

Many things have happened in the two months that the R-O-D has been silent. A couple of folks returned, a top pitching prospect was traded, the Tigers offense went AWOL, Ryan Raburn continued to blow goat chunks. Wondrous and exiting developments abounded while the R-O-D's erstwhile curator elected to waste time doing things besides chronicling an odd obsession with terri-bad players.

What, dear R-O-D reader (Hi Mom!) could bring me back? Nothing but news of the untimely demise of Don Kelly - Error Wizard.

I remember writing a recrap on Bless You Boys about a baseball game. While I remember very little about that day in May (I think I was in Bogota fighting Hand agents about to spike the world's supply of Stiva or something), I do remember calling Don Kelly a Wizard. Despite my non-interest in Don Kelly, the nickname stuck. Don Kelly is not a talented batsman. He cannot really hit Major League pitching... but he was fun to watch. Don could field and he helped the Tigers win the 2011 American League Division Series.

Don Kelly was not much but he was a Wizard. I felt like I had to say something. I hope things work out for this guy I will never meet nor ever know. He provided me with entertainment and I made up a dumb nickname that folks liked for him. That has to be worth something.