Tigers 3, Yankees 2 - ENTER THE ALDS HOME RUN WIZARD

The Fist and Don Kelly - TUMS ALUMNI WIZARD help the Tigers to Victory!

I began my ALDS Game 5 - only on TBS (BIG BANG THEORY STARTING SOON) by coming home from work early. A massage and bad Sbarro's pizza and a needless video game purchase (BlazBlue if you must know) helped calm my nerves.

Eating the pizza and breadsticks on the way home meant that I was watching the game on a near full stomach. I tuned in and saw a strike out. Undeterred, I took off my shoes and looked for a drink. I'm curious about what movies are playing and immediately check the internet for movies. Don Kelly - HEY LOOK AT ME I AM HITTING A HOME RUN WIZARD promptly hits a home run. I'm not one for believing in fate or anything but because his name is Don Kelly - HEY LOOK AT ME I AM HITTING A HOME RUN WIZARD, I think he may have hit a home run.

Stunnned, I began to wonder if Ivan Nova was really not going anywhere. Delmon "Froot By the Foot" Young hits another home run. So, by my count, the score is 2-0 and three googlies have been thrown. I note the googlies on my official India Cricket score doily and give a polite huzzah. Ivan Nova has 4 vowels in his name.

Doug Fister is pitching for Detroit. He was throwing the ball near the plate. I see a few strike outs and a walk. Fister is leading 2-0 for awhile. Don Kelly is a Troll Underpass Magnet School alumni. He's probably the only one who didn't eat an all goat diet, like the Wilson brothers. 

After wondering where my medicine is I see Victor Martinez scores Austin Jackson. Jackson had doubled and now he scored. That was interesting. Then Robinson Crusoe hit a home run. I wonder what Robert Lewis Stevenson thinks about that. I bet he didn't write that in his fancy book! Screw you, classics!

Fister soon gives way to Scherzer. I think that is the sort of stuff you can only see in Germany, or Japan if some sources are to be believed. Scherzer pitches well in relief and then Joaquin "On the Wild Side" Benoit treats the Yankees to a walk before going all (EDITED FOR POLITENESS) and boy, did the WWE scrub his presence from their history!

9th inning. Tigers 3, Yankees 2. I can't find any cough drops. Cherry are my favorite. Oh, Cano had his bat broken when making contact. There's an app for that (Steve Jobs is dead). Alex "Sexy Derek Jeter Sleepovers" Rodriguez has everything on his shoulders. Everything equals 3 strikes and he's done. Oh my! Don Kelly - TBS POST GAME INTERVIEW WIZARD says some stuff meanwhile Doug Fister wonders why everyone was excited by this high scoring game of 3-2. I mean, the Mariners scored 5 runs, total, before the All Star Break; it isn't a big deal.

The ALDS winning Detroit Tigers! Now we go onto Texas to face The Mighty Armadillos! Er, the Rangers! Oh, hey, the Big Bang Theory is coming to TBS!