Raburn the Inept Fielder (Part One - sung to the tune of Donna Summer's "Heaven Knows" or another song that escapes me at the moment).

A Mid-Summer Night's Waking Up Feeling Cheap in the Morning!

Raburn the inept fielder
Had a very suspect glove
And if he ever used it
You would even say it blows

(Like a lady of the evening!)


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Greetings R-O-D fan(s)!

I have slacked off and obviously haven't done anything I wrote down on my todo list for 2011. So, anyhow, what else is new? However here is part one of some crap I was inspired to do while listening to the ultimate Christmas soundtrack: The Journey - The Best of Donna Summer.

Really, can you think of a better song to carol or WASL or whatever it is you weirdos do when you basically terrorize neighborhoods with your awful voices than the glorious output of the only Queen of Disco, Donna Summer?

I thought naught. So, yeah, enjoy part 1. Part 2 may make it in 2012!

COMING ATTRACTIONS

My ambition is only outweighed by my sloth.

Dear R-O-D reader(s),

I have not forgotten you in this cold, cold off season! Despite the lull of football and basketball shenanigans and actually interesting hockey, The R-O-D remembers you, its fan(s).

I will sloppily try to bring back a few classic crappy sports ideas I have been known for on the interwebs. In addition, I am considering trying to crappily illustrate and write an awful book... like the mock up title page above. 

The projects have already been mentioned but...

1. Mocking College Football

2. NBA Pixies and Prisons (not to be confused with another type of game)

3. R-O-D Mysteries - 4 KYDZ

4. The National Basketball Association 2 - Live Big or Ball Harder with a Vengeance 

5. The Oriole Bird Devoured Soul of the Week
6. Potpurri

I'd expect updates on Tuesday, late Pacific (and maybe Sundays).

Big XII Fails in Effort to Acquire New Member School

A more succinct answer you shan't find!

Unreliable Source (NTAPOAPFTM)

Sources at the local Pigg Stop n' Guzzle Gas-o-Mart were stunned to learn that potential Big XII - 4 + 2 / 3 Carry the 1 member North Carolina Beauty College has formally announced they plan to stay in the Bouffant Athletic and Hairstyling Conference despite the possibility the University of Tejas - Austin City Limits would give them 5 American dollars per season as a membership payment.

"While $5.00 is nothing to sneeze at, we here at the NCBC believe that it is in the best interest of our students, student-athletes and alumni to forego joining the Big XII - 4 + 2 / 3 Carry the 1 conference at this time. Current instability in the landscape of college football makes an immediate change in athletic affiliations at this time," Hair President Phoebe Reichart told reporters in between highlight applications.

When asked to comment on the latest school to spurn the conference, former Big XII - 4 + 2 / 3 Carry the 1 Commissioner Dan Beebe was quoted as saying "Chuck Neinas, don't forget to cup UT's [reference to a part of the male anatomy]; they really like that".

Possible replacements include Vern's School of Air Conditioner Repair and Mrs. Phillips Day Care on the corner of West Abbey and 43rd.

Interactive Fan-stravaganza!

The R-O-D's favorite second left field baserman is ready to answer your burning off-season questions!

As ROSTERBATIONAGOGO - Turbo Fapmatic Edition for Fapping Service continues unabated (or something bated) the R-O-D feels it is time to take matters into its own hands (I swear I chose that phrase on accident). 

So... ASK RYAN REAL MAILBAG 2011 has arrived. Ask us questions about the roster or rosters or roasted chicken or the Antiques Roadshow or Dusty Rhodes, rocky roads, Rocky and a plethora of other topics! It'll fight the endless "HERE'S WHAT WE NEED TO DO TO WIN SIGN MAJOR FREE AGENTS AND TRADE OUR CRAPPY DUDES FOR AWESOME DUDES SUPER LINE UP POST"... no it won't but it'll be entertaining (no it won't).

The ENEMY!

I hear there are drive thru liquor and ammo stores so maybe there's something to this Texas!

Look upon the state that revolted so they could have slaves and despair! I will admit, though, that some fine ladies do come from Texas. I do have a soft spot for the SMU Mustangs but I dislike Oklahoma's conjoined twin. I kind of want the World Series to be cancelled due to meteor strikes and Space Syphilis!

This Fall on UPN!

You, too, can learn to be a utility 25th roster spot Wizard!

Somewhere in between sobs and the realization that the Tigers were being treated to their own version of "The Accused" in their game 6 ALCS loss to the Texas Rangers I realized that I was on vacation and having fun.

Then I realized that 'H' in school looks like a mentally deficient M. I guess Don Kelly's Magic School will not be the feel good hit of the fall UPN line up... what do you mean UPN is no longer a network?! How will I ever watch "Homeboys from Outerspace" or "The Wayans Brothers" or "Moesha"? Damn you ratings!

BAT VACATION!~

First strikes and now disappearing for the playoffs - screw you bats!

When Detroit roared into the playoffs the bats were all fine - rested from their earlier bat strike. However, no one told the bats there was going to be an extra month of the season. In fact, no one told the bats that they were supposed to hit the baseball. Instead, the bats went on a tour of Havana, enjoying reenacting scenes from the Motorcycle Diaries and calling each other comrade.

No siree bob, bats aren't good peoples.