3... er 4 Updates in a Month & The Mariners Come to Detroit

That thing is pretty darn deep!

Loyal R-O-D reader(s) - the next opponent for our beloved Tigers are none other than those swinging Mariners of Seattle. Don't be fooled by the fact Miguel Olivo and Chone Figgins are not good. Also, ignore Brendan Ryan - he's worth about 1.8 Wilsons so he's not that good either. Um...

Lemme think...

Uh...

The Tigers offense is not exactly lighting the world on fire and the Mariners offense is not exactly breathing too well on its own. There are all sorts of numbers one can look at to determine what could be going on but numbers and I, we are not friends. Numbers is my bookie.

The Mariners are still in a rebuilding phase, hoping Justin Smoak, Dustin Ackley and Jesus Montero can be the new Three Amigos while the Tigers are in WIN NOW mode. If I had to give some predictions I would say the Tigers should take 2 out of 3 from the M's (especially if Knock Out Noesi pitches (he is called Knock Out because he always seems to knock out walks, home runs and sucktacular pitching efforts)).

However, the Tigers may lose the series if their bats elect to find everywhere but places where fielders are not stationed. Perhaps home plate will be lonely this entire series, with only a few catchers to chat up and no one coming to visit.

Oh, and while this place is named after a more Tigers-centric phrase meaning "hit under .200" with the way Ryan Raburn tends to hit early in the season I have (since 2011) christened the Ryan Raburn Ravine for those folks who cannot manage to hit a robust .100 - you can thank me later.

BAT VACATION!~

First strikes and now disappearing for the playoffs - screw you bats!

When Detroit roared into the playoffs the bats were all fine - rested from their earlier bat strike. However, no one told the bats there was going to be an extra month of the season. In fact, no one told the bats that they were supposed to hit the baseball. Instead, the bats went on a tour of Havana, enjoying reenacting scenes from the Motorcycle Diaries and calling each other comrade.

No siree bob, bats aren't good peoples.

The Tigers Lost a Game; WE ARE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooM-ED!

Ryan Raburn trying desperate to calm people down and viral market his new Disney Channel show.

So, the Tigers lost game one of the American League Division Series 9 to 3 to the New York Highlanders... er Yankees. Okay, get over it. If they lose tonight... well, damn it, shut up. Either way, let's not think about the bad times and let us think about the good times. Remember when Ryan Raburn... crap... ABANDON SHIP!!!

Umpires at the Apollo

BOO THESE MEN!

So, once again, piles of filth like Joe West and Angel Hernandez decide to make a baseball game about them, ignoring rules and common sense just to act like petulant children. Well, I hate you two. I hope MLB finally starts to fire and/or sanction bulbous sores on its ass like you two sooner rather than later. Hernandez is terrible and Joe West is his ass pimple amigo.

These two must be put out to pasture. Yet, the Tigers main fault was their inability to actually hit (yet again). That's 2 runs in 18 innings. Stop blowing.