Interactive Fan-stravaganza!

The R-O-D's favorite second left field baserman is ready to answer your burning off-season questions!

As ROSTERBATIONAGOGO - Turbo Fapmatic Edition for Fapping Service continues unabated (or something bated) the R-O-D feels it is time to take matters into its own hands (I swear I chose that phrase on accident). 

So... ASK RYAN REAL MAILBAG 2011 has arrived. Ask us questions about the roster or rosters or roasted chicken or the Antiques Roadshow or Dusty Rhodes, rocky roads, Rocky and a plethora of other topics! It'll fight the endless "HERE'S WHAT WE NEED TO DO TO WIN SIGN MAJOR FREE AGENTS AND TRADE OUR CRAPPY DUDES FOR AWESOME DUDES SUPER LINE UP POST"... no it won't but it'll be entertaining (no it won't).

The ENEMY!

I hear there are drive thru liquor and ammo stores so maybe there's something to this Texas!

Look upon the state that revolted so they could have slaves and despair! I will admit, though, that some fine ladies do come from Texas. I do have a soft spot for the SMU Mustangs but I dislike Oklahoma's conjoined twin. I kind of want the World Series to be cancelled due to meteor strikes and Space Syphilis!

This Fall on UPN!

You, too, can learn to be a utility 25th roster spot Wizard!

Somewhere in between sobs and the realization that the Tigers were being treated to their own version of "The Accused" in their game 6 ALCS loss to the Texas Rangers I realized that I was on vacation and having fun.

Then I realized that 'H' in school looks like a mentally deficient M. I guess Don Kelly's Magic School will not be the feel good hit of the fall UPN line up... what do you mean UPN is no longer a network?! How will I ever watch "Homeboys from Outerspace" or "The Wayans Brothers" or "Moesha"? Damn you ratings!

BAT VACATION!~

First strikes and now disappearing for the playoffs - screw you bats!

When Detroit roared into the playoffs the bats were all fine - rested from their earlier bat strike. However, no one told the bats there was going to be an extra month of the season. In fact, no one told the bats that they were supposed to hit the baseball. Instead, the bats went on a tour of Havana, enjoying reenacting scenes from the Motorcycle Diaries and calling each other comrade.

No siree bob, bats aren't good peoples.

VACATION (It's all I've ever wanted)

I'm off but here's a sneak peek at something I'll comment about later, along with the ALCS. Hopefully I won't be doing an off-season preview when I return!

While he has not been playing all that much, Ryan Raburn has discovered his love of graffiti art!

Tigers 3, Yankees 2 - ENTER THE ALDS HOME RUN WIZARD

The Fist and Don Kelly - TUMS ALUMNI WIZARD help the Tigers to Victory!

I began my ALDS Game 5 - only on TBS (BIG BANG THEORY STARTING SOON) by coming home from work early. A massage and bad Sbarro's pizza and a needless video game purchase (BlazBlue if you must know) helped calm my nerves.

Eating the pizza and breadsticks on the way home meant that I was watching the game on a near full stomach. I tuned in and saw a strike out. Undeterred, I took off my shoes and looked for a drink. I'm curious about what movies are playing and immediately check the internet for movies. Don Kelly - HEY LOOK AT ME I AM HITTING A HOME RUN WIZARD promptly hits a home run. I'm not one for believing in fate or anything but because his name is Don Kelly - HEY LOOK AT ME I AM HITTING A HOME RUN WIZARD, I think he may have hit a home run.

Stunnned, I began to wonder if Ivan Nova was really not going anywhere. Delmon "Froot By the Foot" Young hits another home run. So, by my count, the score is 2-0 and three googlies have been thrown. I note the googlies on my official India Cricket score doily and give a polite huzzah. Ivan Nova has 4 vowels in his name.

Doug Fister is pitching for Detroit. He was throwing the ball near the plate. I see a few strike outs and a walk. Fister is leading 2-0 for awhile. Don Kelly is a Troll Underpass Magnet School alumni. He's probably the only one who didn't eat an all goat diet, like the Wilson brothers. 

After wondering where my medicine is I see Victor Martinez scores Austin Jackson. Jackson had doubled and now he scored. That was interesting. Then Robinson Crusoe hit a home run. I wonder what Robert Lewis Stevenson thinks about that. I bet he didn't write that in his fancy book! Screw you, classics!

Fister soon gives way to Scherzer. I think that is the sort of stuff you can only see in Germany, or Japan if some sources are to be believed. Scherzer pitches well in relief and then Joaquin "On the Wild Side" Benoit treats the Yankees to a walk before going all (EDITED FOR POLITENESS) and boy, did the WWE scrub his presence from their history!

9th inning. Tigers 3, Yankees 2. I can't find any cough drops. Cherry are my favorite. Oh, Cano had his bat broken when making contact. There's an app for that (Steve Jobs is dead). Alex "Sexy Derek Jeter Sleepovers" Rodriguez has everything on his shoulders. Everything equals 3 strikes and he's done. Oh my! Don Kelly - TBS POST GAME INTERVIEW WIZARD says some stuff meanwhile Doug Fister wonders why everyone was excited by this high scoring game of 3-2. I mean, the Mariners scored 5 runs, total, before the All Star Break; it isn't a big deal.

The ALDS winning Detroit Tigers! Now we go onto Texas to face The Mighty Armadillos! Er, the Rangers! Oh, hey, the Big Bang Theory is coming to TBS!

Cop Out Pos... er IMPORTANT FEELINGS CONTAINED WITHIN!

An off day is time for us to get in touch with our feelings and I feel fine. Heck, any baseball season is, by default, the BEST SUMMER EVER! So instead of being all gloom and doom you can either enjoy or loathe my taste in music and listen to A Sunny Day in Glasgow's "The Best Summer Ever"!

PS: Go Tigers!