A Second Set of Verbal Victuals

No set schedule means that I will procrastinate, but two out of infinity isn't significant!

Here you go, the Art of a Mistake episode 2: The Art of a Mistake Ep. 2

I swear I won't just talk about video games.

3... er 4 Updates in a Month & The Mariners Come to Detroit

That thing is pretty darn deep!

Loyal R-O-D reader(s) - the next opponent for our beloved Tigers are none other than those swinging Mariners of Seattle. Don't be fooled by the fact Miguel Olivo and Chone Figgins are not good. Also, ignore Brendan Ryan - he's worth about 1.8 Wilsons so he's not that good either. Um...

Lemme think...

Uh...

The Tigers offense is not exactly lighting the world on fire and the Mariners offense is not exactly breathing too well on its own. There are all sorts of numbers one can look at to determine what could be going on but numbers and I, we are not friends. Numbers is my bookie.

The Mariners are still in a rebuilding phase, hoping Justin Smoak, Dustin Ackley and Jesus Montero can be the new Three Amigos while the Tigers are in WIN NOW mode. If I had to give some predictions I would say the Tigers should take 2 out of 3 from the M's (especially if Knock Out Noesi pitches (he is called Knock Out because he always seems to knock out walks, home runs and sucktacular pitching efforts)).

However, the Tigers may lose the series if their bats elect to find everywhere but places where fielders are not stationed. Perhaps home plate will be lonely this entire series, with only a few catchers to chat up and no one coming to visit.

Oh, and while this place is named after a more Tigers-centric phrase meaning "hit under .200" with the way Ryan Raburn tends to hit early in the season I have (since 2011) christened the Ryan Raburn Ravine for those folks who cannot manage to hit a robust .100 - you can thank me later.

The Return of the Return of The R-O-D!

A tragedy in several terrible, atrocious acts (of "hitting").

The rumors of the R-O-D's demise were almost entirely accurate. Currently the Boys with the Olde English D are sucking wind in Chicago. However, Ryan Raburn (The R-O-D's new spirit animal) has realized that Spring Training is baseball and knows that he sucks at baseball.

Currently, in the 5th the Tigers lead 2-0... they'd better win with or without Le Raburn!

I Only Want to Love (Love is Meant to Beeeeeeee; Unless You're Raburn Then No One But Miguel Olivo Loves You).

He's Not the Fielder We Need, He's the Fielder We Deserve... Wait, what'd we ever do to deserve Reburn?!

Then all the fandom loathed him
As they shouted out with rage
Raburn, the inept fielder
You headed a ball for a homer!

(Like Canseco!)


...and that, folks, is the very first multi-part R-O-D posting. Consider this a special little gift from me to all of you (1 people). Merry 2012 and happy Mayan Death Orgy Day!

'til Eternity! (Heaven Knows He Can't Field for Crap!)

What the heck is that box doing there?!

Then one blistering summer day
Old man Leyland came to say
Raburn with your glove of stone
Won't you play left alone?

(Oh please God, no!)

Man, Donna Summer is Rather Quite Good (and Something About Ryan Raburn part II)

You can laugh at him because his mom said it was okay (she was booing him when he was in the womb)!

Verse 2!

All of the other players
Always laughed and mocked his game
They hoped to never see Raburn
Ever playing in their games

(Like an amputee!)

We're halfway there! Expect more sometime... maybe before 2012! Oh... my... goodness!

VACATION (It's all I've ever wanted)

I'm off but here's a sneak peek at something I'll comment about later, along with the ALCS. Hopefully I won't be doing an off-season preview when I return!

While he has not been playing all that much, Ryan Raburn has discovered his love of graffiti art!

The Tigers Lost a Game; WE ARE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooM-ED!

Ryan Raburn trying desperate to calm people down and viral market his new Disney Channel show.

So, the Tigers lost game one of the American League Division Series 9 to 3 to the New York Highlanders... er Yankees. Okay, get over it. If they lose tonight... well, damn it, shut up. Either way, let's not think about the bad times and let us think about the good times. Remember when Ryan Raburn... crap... ABANDON SHIP!!!

Whoa! UPDATED!

The Tigers are winning and I am having trouble figuring out what to complain about. So here's a picture that was cut because a rain out didn't happen. I blame MackAveKurt for that, by the way.

Don Kelly - Return of the Weather Wizard!

Enjoy!

A Little Love Can Make the Hardest Things Go Smoothly

Enter the Fist! aka In Fist We Trust! aka FISTING FOR VICTOLY!

Doug Fister is a sentimental favorite of mine from the Seattle Mariners. When I heard that the Tigers had acquired Fister, I was very excited. First off, his last name is Fister! Secondly, Fister works very hard and eats innings. Third: Fister just seems like a necessary cog every winning team needs (workhorse, solid back end of the rotation fella).

The problem with Fister is he rarely had any runs scored for him (I believe somewhere in the range of 2.5 runs a game). Well, fear not, dear Fister! The roaring Tigers army has brought its bats to your party. Fister served in 7 innings and gave Detroit's iffy bullpen some help. How did Doug Fister do this? I have secret inside information on the creature that helped Fister come to Detroit! 

The New GM of the Detroit Tigers!

Clippy is now Doug Fister's bestest friend and Clippy is now 2 for 2 in the advice column!

An Old Friend Helps David Purcey and David Dombrowski

This is a Feature I Believe is Long Overdue in Baseball '11!

Often maligned, much hated and misunderstood, our friend Clippy has found a new job courtesy of David Dombrowski and the Tigers front office. After David Purcey had managed to figure out a way from going from suck to blow and forgetting what a strike was, it became apparent that a solution was needed. Luckily for us all, Clippy had the answer! Now Purcey has been Ctrl + Alt + DFA'd we can all hope for better and brighter days. Have a Mac? I probably hate you.

This Creature Wants to Eat You!

Also: Brennan Boesch, who's scary visage I butchered to the right, hit a game winning home run in the rain or something. Tigers beat Tejas 6-5! Huzzah!

Where in the World is the R-O-D

INACCURATE GLOBE!

The R-O-D has been s-w-a-m-p-e-d thanks to working the evenings on the PT (that's the best coast for you swine on the least). What that means is I miss every single baseball game known to man and I have quite a few hobbies so the R-O-D fell by the wayside. Never fear, gadget fans, the R-O-D is back.

This week featured vomiting and losing to the White Sox, Brad Penny showing he's a dickbag and Jim Leyland thinking: hey, what if we do this instead of that?

Anyhow, free David Purcey... from the Earth and launch him into the sun.