A Very Special Episode of The R-O-D

God, it's me, Ryan... God, stop screening my calls... God, stop having dogs pee on me too.

I'm afraid it is that time of year again - when the bats begin to roar to life and the crisp baseballs dance out of said bats' way. The circle of baseball life, if you will.

However, one precocious little 2B... er LF... er baseball player named Ryan Raburn has battled his way to a .073 batting average at the end of regulation play on April 21st, 2012. Let that sink in - Raburn battled to get to .073. His 3 hits in the month of April makes the looming usual Raburn cannot hit to save anyone's life downturn in May all the more ominous. Is there anything that can be done? Is Ryan Raburn a lost cause? Should The Ray Oyler Divide pick a new mascot/whipping boy?

The answers are: Ryan starts very slow, nothing really can be done, Raburn is a fully developed player at this point and expecting any miracle of being a even a quasi starter isn't all that wise, and heck no!

Too bad Street Pizza's agent was such a hard ass.

While I have only seen a few games of the 2012 campaign I can deduce from absolutely nothing (except not being a regular poster at a certain Tigers fan spot that is awful and the butt of a joke) that Raburn will probably show just why the Tigers have stuck with him near the end of May. Raburn is notorious for starting slow and it is frustrating because Raburn can actually hit the ball. Fielding? No, not in a million years. Raburn is a defensive upgrade from Delmon Young in left field but, then again, a dead cat is a defensive upgrade in left field over Delmon Young.

All I am saying is that there really is not much the Tigers can do right now with Raburn. Designating him for assignment means someone else picks him up, and believe me, Raburn's bat is alluring to teams that have putrid offenses (all defensive liabilities aside). Trading Raburn will not bring anything (and why would you trade someone who plays the position you are weak at to upgrade the position you are weak at?) and there are really few better options at 2B or LF (Delmon's bat or Inge's glove and Inge's glove is about as fantastic as Inge's bat at this point in his career).

Overall, there is nothing the Tigers can really do without sacrificing one of their few pieces that are decent in the minor leagues so sit back and image being able to splice Cale Iorg's defense with Raburn's bat... oh man, that'd be fantastic!

The Return of the Return of The R-O-D!

A tragedy in several terrible, atrocious acts (of "hitting").

The rumors of the R-O-D's demise were almost entirely accurate. Currently the Boys with the Olde English D are sucking wind in Chicago. However, Ryan Raburn (The R-O-D's new spirit animal) has realized that Spring Training is baseball and knows that he sucks at baseball.

Currently, in the 5th the Tigers lead 2-0... they'd better win with or without Le Raburn!

I Only Want to Love (Love is Meant to Beeeeeeee; Unless You're Raburn Then No One But Miguel Olivo Loves You).

He's Not the Fielder We Need, He's the Fielder We Deserve... Wait, what'd we ever do to deserve Reburn?!

Then all the fandom loathed him
As they shouted out with rage
Raburn, the inept fielder
You headed a ball for a homer!

(Like Canseco!)


...and that, folks, is the very first multi-part R-O-D posting. Consider this a special little gift from me to all of you (1 people). Merry 2012 and happy Mayan Death Orgy Day!

Man, Donna Summer is Rather Quite Good (and Something About Ryan Raburn part II)

You can laugh at him because his mom said it was okay (she was booing him when he was in the womb)!

Verse 2!

All of the other players
Always laughed and mocked his game
They hoped to never see Raburn
Ever playing in their games

(Like an amputee!)

We're halfway there! Expect more sometime... maybe before 2012! Oh... my... goodness!

VACATION (It's all I've ever wanted)

I'm off but here's a sneak peek at something I'll comment about later, along with the ALCS. Hopefully I won't be doing an off-season preview when I return!

While he has not been playing all that much, Ryan Raburn has discovered his love of graffiti art!