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| Hello and welcome to PANIC! TIME! Your hosts for this evening are Ryan Raburn (MIA) and Don Kelly - ANNOYED AT BLOW OUT WIZARD! |
Hello faithful R-O-D fans! Tonight, as a special treat, we have a segment of our most favorite never before seen R-O-D segment! Wait... that doesn't make sense. Oh hell, here are R-O-D mascots Ryan Raburn (Missing in Action) and Don "Wizard" Kelly.
RR: Thanks mysterious Ray Oyler Divide guy. Shucks, tonight we sure did lose. I mean, from what I gathered from the TBS announcers, the Tigers lost all 5 games of the American League Division Series off a Robinson Cano 87 run home run in the only inning played.
DKWWHMA: Where did all these other letters come from, Ryan? I did not summon them!
RR: Uh... I dunno. Did you see Robinson Cano is the only active player in the Hall of Fame... twice!
DKWWICWTLCM: Seriously, where are all these extra letters come from? These acronyms don't even make sense. This is like I'm in Tweenage Idiot Fake Acronym Chat!
RR: TIFAC?! I love that place!
DKWIOIWRR: No wonder Leyland doesn't play you!
RR: Let's take some questions! YANQUISRULEOK asks: OMG why is TBS so anti-Yankee! There was, like, minutes where they didn't comment on JETER's LEADERSHIP AND CANO'S SEXY GLUTES AND A-ROD'S LOVE OF THE GRAPE STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DKWWAI: Dee Kay Why? Are you insinuating I am Donna Karen New York? Really, I hate this whole situation! Anyhow, before Ryan can answer, let me just say: the Yankees are a good team with a fantastic line up that just happens to get lip service from the largest media market in the world, single city that is, and of course you may hate that sometimes the announcers aren't servicing your Yankee needs. Might I suggest closing your eyes and imaging things that would make people with souls cry? Like Jeter-Rodriguez sleep overs?
RR: Our next question comes from ANGRYUPDWELLER. Angry asks: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR! ME HATE SCORE! I RUN A BLOG AND AM TOO NICE TO BE MEAN! I HAVE A DOG!
DKWWIONA: Really? Seriously? That's the best you have? C'mon, at least make fun of the fact the guy is, what, 4'3"?
RR: What guy? Our last question comes Worried Tigers Fan. Worried inquires: Did we just lose the series?
DKWWATAAWWASLOHWMC: Don Kelly, Wizard with answers and a Wizard with a secret love of Hanging with Mister Cooper? Oh that's it!
RR: It appears Don Kelly - WIZARD with Anger Management Problems has left so I get to answer! Yay!
- Sorry, we're out of time Ryan!
RR: NOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
- Okay, fine, stop crying and let go of my ankle. I'm afraid Mayitis is contagious.
RR: Hooray! Okay, Tigers fans, look - sometimes you win series and sometimes you lose them. You must put things in perspective. A loss is going to hurt but you know what, that's baseball. Just root with all your heart and know that your team will be back next year. There are always new chances. Also know that we have not lost anything yet. The series is tied 2-2 and we have a great chance at winning. Are the Yankees formidable? Yes. Are they snappy dressers? Yes. But so are the Tigers. The Tigers are a storied franchise with heart, soul and the best home uniforms in MLB. We have viable MVP canidates and a guy named Fister. We have a chance! Let's root for those Tigers and know that, no matter what, they tried their best!
- Man, you're a weenie...
RR: HEY!!
- And this concludes the first OH NO PANIC! TIME!
