Tigers Lost Yesterday But I Drew a Van Today!

No one asked but Ryan begged me to show off his bitchin' van!

At the moment of this post the Tigers and Dodgers are tied 1-1! However, I am more interested in showing off Ryan "ERROR WUNDERKIND/RELIANT K" Raburn's bitching van (note lack of windows) instead of waiting to recap the game. Recapping is so last week!

Instead I will post a couple of bad pictures and bask in the adulation of the tens of tens of R-O-D fan(s). Yes. The R-O-D has more than one fan (supposedly). We're going places! The Tigers are lucky to have me as a inept MS Paint using fan, yes siree bob! Did I mention I dislike Ryan Raburn? I didn't? Oh well!

Hello semi-retarded bird!

So here's an alternate, old Baltimore Orioles logo, dedicated to an internet pal! I hope you like crappy MS Paint, internet friend!

In Lieu of a Recap, Here's Ryan!

He's like Dear Abby only with worse routes!

At the time of me writing this the Tigers are down 2-0. We now go to R-O-D favorite, Ryan Raburn, who will answer our mailbag.

Letter 1:

Dear Ryan,

I am a blind person but from everything I've heard, you are a terrible fielder. I figure that if you are in the majors with two working eyes, I could get into the majors too! What advice would you give me for not making a fool of myself. Sincerely, Melvin Keller.

-HI Melvin! I am Ryan Raburn! I got lost in my house trying to find a pen and instead broke a lamp. I suggest you get a dog to help you in the outfield. I also recommend insurance because a face is not used to break a fall; I learned this from experience! 

Letter 2:
Dear Rayburn,
How do you still have a job? Wondering in Wheeling.

-Hi Wheeling! I am still employed because of my incredible batting prowess post all star break! I also make a mean souffle and always get skip some smokes and Twinkies on road trips! It also helps to have pictures of our GM burying dead "entertainers" in the Upper Peninsula. Would you rather have my robust .200 average or some dork who thinks he's Harry Potter? I know my vote!

Letter 3:
Dear Ryan,
How did you get picked off at third tonight? Really, how? Can you not run in a straight line? From Infuriated in Indiana.

-Hi Indiana! I would be much obliged if you did not make fun of my crippling illness. Straight lines scare me, like baseballs and making contact with baseballs. I have a rare condition known as "cantdoanythingrightitis". Only me and some guy named Chone Figgins have this debilitating disease. Would you like some literature? I have some in my bitching van with Don Kelly painted on the side!

...thanks, Ryan? Whatever. Tigers probably lose this game. Be back tomorrow for a real crappy recap!

Oh Boy! Tied for First Again!

This says it all.

Horrible News! stop. Bats on Strike! stop. Ryan Raburn "forcing it". stop. Wait, what? stop.

Angry bat takes courageous pro-bat union stance!

Tonight the Tigers bats tried to unionize, after games and games of being abused. Being used to hit balls and generate "offense", the Tiger bats decided that this intolerable behavior must stop... well, every bat except Ryan Raburn's bats. Those things have never touched a ball, ever, because he's "forcing it" - where it is sucking and forcing is always.

Tigers drop a 4th, count it, 4th game during the R-O-D's existence. This is unacceptable! Bad Tigers! BAD!