From Vomit to Pyrrhic Triumph!

THIS IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS GAME! DON KELLY PITCHED! WOW!

Hell... Oh, it is Just Ryan and Ryan!

The Ryans are scary!

Ryan Raburn and Ryan Perry share certain attributes in common. The attributes are being able to suck like Hoovers and being players I just don't like. Sometimes Raburn can hit and sometimes Perry can throw a strike. Usually neither Ryan can do anything right.

The Tigers lose 7-6. Both Ryans had some of the blame for this horrific loss. I, personally, blame James Bach. I don't know a James Bach but it seems like the name of a giant, flaming jackhole. Screw you, James Bach!

Choke on this you schlubs.

To the Ryans, here is your Blue Plate Special award. Raburn leads everyone with, I believe, 3 or 4. He's been god awful. Screw you Raburn! 

Oh Boy! Tied for First Again!

This says it all.

ENTER THE ERRANT TOSS WIZARD!

Don Kelly - ERRANT TOSS WIZARD showing off his skillz.

What else can I say but: FIRE EVERYONE! THIS LOSS IS UNACCEPTABLE AND YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES! RWAR! TRADE PHIL COKE FOR ALBERT PUJOLS AND DRIVING LESSONS FROM TONY LARUSSA! TRADE CALE IORG FOR DAVID WRIGHT AND JOSE REYES! COKE TO THE BULLPEN! RABBLE, RABBLE, RABBLE!

...er excuse me; I caught a case of the stupids right there. Phil Coke paid the price for errors, notably: Don Kelly, ERRANT TOSS WIZARD, and his 2 run error in a 4 run inning. 

Enrique Gonzalez, ladies and gents!

Then Enrique "White Flag II" Gonzalez came in and didn't stink as badly as Brad Thomas's right handed Latino doppelganger usually does. The Tigers made it interesting in the 9th with a few more runs but fall to Tejas 7-3. Oh, and Ryan Raburn managed a pinch hit strike out. Consistency!

I would be remiss if I did not remember to award The R-O-D's most coveted (read: only) award: The Blue Plate Special, which is awarded to Excellence in the Field of Excrement. Tonight's award was a close one, with 1 time BPS winner, Ryan Raburn, striking his way out after our second nominee, Don Kelly - AWARD NOMINEE WIZARD, made his strong case in the 3rd and winner is...

The R-O-D BPS!

DON KELLY - BPS EXCELLENCE IN THE FIELD OF EXCREMENT AWARD WINNING WIZARD! Thank you, Don, for helping Phil Coke lose this game! Until next time you cantankerous kitties! Oh, and the score has been corrected. I suddenly thought Detroit scored a 4th run, silly me!

St. Paul Painted Whores Are Swept Off Their Dainty Feet!

More like Alaskan A-HBP-SIN! Right? Right?

Tonight our heroes, the Detroit Tigers, faced off against their rival, the villainous Painted Whores of St. Paul (or the Twins of Minnesota if you want to get technical).

Miguel Cabrera and Alex Avila combined to deliver the Striped Saviors 4 runs while Rick Porcello's only mistake was a 2 run home run to some guy weighing about 87 pounds who is primed for the Hall of Kind of OK.

The bigger story, besides the absence of anything pertaining to Don Kelly in this update, was the amazing outing by Daniel Schlereth. Danny fancies himself as the Alaska Assassin. The only thing he assassinated was anyone ever taking that nickname seriously. Schlereth faced one batter and hit the guy, on one pitch! That's right: 1 pitch, 1 hit by pitch.

The Alaskan A-HBP-SIN has a line score of 1 pitch, 1 HBP. Schlereth did not even have the decency to make his gaffe dramatic. Boo I say, boo! However, the Tigers did manage to turn turds into gold and win the game 4-2.

Let's get to the super important stuff: awards! For your performance in the excellent field of excrement, I give you, the Alaska A-HBP-SIN the R.O.D, Blue Plate Special!

Yes, it is poop on a baseball on a plate that isn't entirely blue on a checkerboard tablecloth.

Congratulations on being the inaugural ROD BPS award winner! Ryan Raburn is green with envy. He also committed 87 errors as I typed this message and started only 1 more game at second after being named starting second baseman.

The bottom line:
What does this mean? Well, our beloved felines did not gain any ground against the Cleveland Naughty Logos but they did up their current win streak against the Painted Whores to 9 games in a row. Most importantly: the Tigers are now 4-1 since the Ray Oyler Divide went live! You're welcome!