Jhonny Peralta Owns the Twinks.

Supporting Guns and Cloning!

The Tigers trounced the SPPW today thanks to more Peralta antics. Did anyone think Jhonny would be this good when he was acquired? If you said yes you are a filthy, dirty, scum bag liar! Peralta is the best offensive shortstop in the AL this year and that is insane. The + Betemit line up looks, dare I say, good. The Tigers need to address this whole bad bullpen/inconsistent starting pitching. And pray for Chuck Guillen. The Tigers need their Glass Man.

Painted Whores Die Again!

Do not respect this logo, HATE IT!

I hate the Twins. HATE THEM! They lost and the Painted Whores need to rot. I think I got their logo colors wrong but who gives a flying rip? HATE! LOSE AND DIE! 10 in a row, bitches!

St. Paul Painted Whores Are Swept Off Their Dainty Feet!

More like Alaskan A-HBP-SIN! Right? Right?

Tonight our heroes, the Detroit Tigers, faced off against their rival, the villainous Painted Whores of St. Paul (or the Twins of Minnesota if you want to get technical).

Miguel Cabrera and Alex Avila combined to deliver the Striped Saviors 4 runs while Rick Porcello's only mistake was a 2 run home run to some guy weighing about 87 pounds who is primed for the Hall of Kind of OK.

The bigger story, besides the absence of anything pertaining to Don Kelly in this update, was the amazing outing by Daniel Schlereth. Danny fancies himself as the Alaska Assassin. The only thing he assassinated was anyone ever taking that nickname seriously. Schlereth faced one batter and hit the guy, on one pitch! That's right: 1 pitch, 1 hit by pitch.

The Alaskan A-HBP-SIN has a line score of 1 pitch, 1 HBP. Schlereth did not even have the decency to make his gaffe dramatic. Boo I say, boo! However, the Tigers did manage to turn turds into gold and win the game 4-2.

Let's get to the super important stuff: awards! For your performance in the excellent field of excrement, I give you, the Alaska A-HBP-SIN the R.O.D, Blue Plate Special!

Yes, it is poop on a baseball on a plate that isn't entirely blue on a checkerboard tablecloth.

Congratulations on being the inaugural ROD BPS award winner! Ryan Raburn is green with envy. He also committed 87 errors as I typed this message and started only 1 more game at second after being named starting second baseman.

The bottom line:
What does this mean? Well, our beloved felines did not gain any ground against the Cleveland Naughty Logos but they did up their current win streak against the Painted Whores to 9 games in a row. Most importantly: the Tigers are now 4-1 since the Ray Oyler Divide went live! You're welcome!

Painted Whores and Striped Jungle Cats Battle to Discovery Who Wants to Win Least!

Don Kelly - ERROR WIZARD, was quite busy tonight.

Tonight, in the Motor City, the AL Central rivalry between the Twins and Tigers continued unabated. The Tigers were down 3-0 early after Ryan "Reliant K" Raburn decided fielding just wasn't his bag. The Tigers battled back scoring 6 runs and taking a 6-3 lead.

Max "Ahhhhh! Savior of the Universe" Scherzer was less Flash Gordon and more Flesh Gordon because he was getting pounded all night long. After a wild pitch from Max scored run #5 for the Twinks, Max decided that giving up a home run to Justin "Albino Canadian Kodiak Bear" Morneau was a good thing.

I wanted to use another picture so I added this one too!

With the Tigers down 7-6 something weird happened. The Cats fought back and managed to score 2 more runs. The bullpen of Furbush, Albuquerque and Benoit did not produce vomitous results. A victory was had and Don Kelly showed up in the 9th as a defensive replacement!

The typical Tiger baseball viewing position.

Of course this game was marred by some bad play by the Twins and a few gaffes by the Tigers. Kelly was busy most of the night going back to his ERROR WIZARD ways. A win is a win, no matter how ugly and boy, this one was ugly!

The Tigers have now won the last 8 games against the Twins. Suck on that, Painted Whores!

The St. Paul Painted Whores Come to Town (Get Your Shots!)

This is what it feels like to be a Detroit Tigers' fan.

Today the Tigers face off against those pesky Twins. The Twins are known for soft hits, things going their way and playing awful baseball in 2K11.

The Tigers are known for not scoring runs past the 1st inning, an awful bullpen and using black magicks (more serious with a k).

ENTER THE DIVE WIZARD!

In today's game, after the Tigers took a 3 - 0 lead, the Twins scrappied back to take a 5 -3 lead. Then Victor Martinez remembered he is, indeed, allowed to hit home runs in Comerica Park. Game tied 5-5!

After that the Tigers loaded the bases and decided that scoring was a little too gauche for a host club to do and let the St. Paul hookers local 617 off the ledge.

However, fate decided not to let the Twins have their way with it again and, in a controversial play, Alex Avila doubled home Jhonny Peralta on what looked like fan interference. Thanks, baseball randomness.

Of course, all of this was just a warm up to the play of the game. Don Kelly - DIVE WIZARD, elects to make his presence felt yet again with a very capable diving catch in the 9th inning for the last out. Kelly just doesn't want me to stop making poor MSPaint pictures, that bastard!