I Hear New York Holds is All the Rage!

BASEBALL NO LIKE TIGERS! TIGERS SMELL LIKE DESPAIR!

Today looked like a day where the Tigers may find a way to overcome adversity, their slumping bats and their off field turmoil. Against the Yankees, in New York, the Tigers looked to like a team that was going to win in spite of themselves.

Of course this is not a movie and everything went to utter shit.

Don Kelly made an error and run 5 scored because of said error. Benoit still can't shut down folks in the 8th inning and Brayan Villareal then elected to throw a ball that Alex Avila let go, bringing in the winning run. Sure, Verlander allowed two home runs and 5 runs scored (4 earned).

Still, the lead should have held up. Instead the Tigers end up with their 5th straight loss and have lost 7 out of their last 8. Additionally Delmon Young says something stupid and gets an assault charge, Brandon Inge is released and the fan base is in a tizzy.

What can be done? Nothing - things have to right themselves. Eldred had a decent night for a call up and, well, there were hits. Sure, runners were stranded but the Tigers were hitting. I want to wring my hands and get really frustrated but there comes a point where you just have to say maalesh - it's nothing, it doesn't matter. Why would I tell you to say this arabic word? Because this blip does not matter in the grand scheme of the season or the grand scheme of anything - this is just turmoil. Every endeavor has something like this and the less panic that happens the better.

The Tigers are a talented ball club and will come around or make moves that can help should they be called for considering the circumstances. Fister will return, our 5th starter will be a 5th starter, Don Kelly will still be a Wizard and the Wonderbus & Thunderbus will rumble down the interstate striking fear in the hearts of opposing pitchers. The Tigers are a good team and even good teams have downs during a baseball season. 162 games has a way of evening most things out. That evening out is why good teams win close to 90 games and great teams close in on 100.

I'd like to end this entry with one thing: thank you Brandon Inge for your years of community service and adorkable antics.

The Hot, Sexy Kissing Booth - signing off.

An Old Friend Helps David Purcey and David Dombrowski

This is a Feature I Believe is Long Overdue in Baseball '11!

Often maligned, much hated and misunderstood, our friend Clippy has found a new job courtesy of David Dombrowski and the Tigers front office. After David Purcey had managed to figure out a way from going from suck to blow and forgetting what a strike was, it became apparent that a solution was needed. Luckily for us all, Clippy had the answer! Now Purcey has been Ctrl + Alt + DFA'd we can all hope for better and brighter days. Have a Mac? I probably hate you.

This Creature Wants to Eat You!

Also: Brennan Boesch, who's scary visage I butchered to the right, hit a game winning home run in the rain or something. Tigers beat Tejas 6-5! Huzzah!

Jhonny Peralta Owns the Twinks.

Supporting Guns and Cloning!

The Tigers trounced the SPPW today thanks to more Peralta antics. Did anyone think Jhonny would be this good when he was acquired? If you said yes you are a filthy, dirty, scum bag liar! Peralta is the best offensive shortstop in the AL this year and that is insane. The + Betemit line up looks, dare I say, good. The Tigers need to address this whole bad bullpen/inconsistent starting pitching. And pray for Chuck Guillen. The Tigers need their Glass Man.

I Set This Update for the 18th by Mistake!

A Wizard's Hat!

Today the Tigers staved off a sweep via remembering that scoring runs is not a rude thing for host baseball teams to do. Amazingly, Carlos "Soon to be Back on the DL" Guillen proved that even though he is mostly a cripple, he is still better than Ryan Raburn! No, Ryan, I won't take that back!

Anyhow, work has made the R-O-D less impressive but we will soldier on! Some other team plays the Tigers. Let's hope the striped heroes don't forget to bring their bats!

Really? I Mean, Really?

The Land of Make Up Believe!

Dangerous terrorists live there and they speak French!

The R-O-D does not condone Canada, at all. Our villains to the north are shifty and are up to no good. Tonight, because of evil rain outs, the Canadians had to invade Comerica yet again. Thankfully, the Tigers were up to the task and beat up the evil beaver invasion vanguard 4-2.

NEVER!

I heard Ryan Raburn did something but I decided he didn't deserve praise, because he's awful. Suck on that, Reliant K!

The Tragic Tumultuous Times of Ryan Raburn.

Yin and Yang, Good and Evil, Not Good and Not Good, Ryan Raburn and Don Kelly.

Brad Penny had a good game today. Sure he allowed 2 runs, in toto, but that's called a quality start people. The Tigers bats had managed 1 run courtesy of a Jhonny Peralta of the H Clan. Then, then skip realized the error of his ways.

With a crucial at bat coming up (or something), Leyland realized his only hope was magic. While Ryan Raburn sought redemption for being stinky (as usual), Leyland wanted to win the game, for Sparky and because winning is what you're supposed to want to do anyhow. Instead of Reliant K, Ole Jim went with Don Kelly - PINCH HITTING WIZARD. Lo and behold, the Tigers were rewarded.

The above comic tells the story. Tigers win, Wizards win, Raburn loses. 8-3 is the final! Good times.

Hell... Oh, it is Just Ryan and Ryan!

The Ryans are scary!

Ryan Raburn and Ryan Perry share certain attributes in common. The attributes are being able to suck like Hoovers and being players I just don't like. Sometimes Raburn can hit and sometimes Perry can throw a strike. Usually neither Ryan can do anything right.

The Tigers lose 7-6. Both Ryans had some of the blame for this horrific loss. I, personally, blame James Bach. I don't know a James Bach but it seems like the name of a giant, flaming jackhole. Screw you, James Bach!

Choke on this you schlubs.

To the Ryans, here is your Blue Plate Special award. Raburn leads everyone with, I believe, 3 or 4. He's been god awful. Screw you Raburn!