2-1 You Say? This Series Is Not OVER!

DON KELLY - CANNON ARMED CYBORG DEFENSIVE WIZARD

Don Kelly's giant super arm and ability to bunt helped make the difference. SUre, Verlander gave up 4 runs, but he went 8. Brett Gardner is better than you'd think so I hope he falls off the Dale Murphy cliff forever because he's annoying. Tigers win! One more to go. I'm still nervous. I hope that if I vomit it'll be on someone horrible, like Nick Punto.

The Worst Named Team in MLB Today Show Grit, Determination and that They and Their Fanbase Should Choke on Their Own Vomit.

Shitty Balll and What Looks Like a Golden Toilet

So there was some hoopla over a bunt, a pitcher who gets annoyed at the slightest possible slight and angry over a giant slight. Chuck Guillen is the biggest murderer since that one guy who killed that other guy and made him an angel (see what I did there).

All insults aside, I decided to get about as dirty as I could because I felt justified because some other jerks on the internet fail to see why everyone was acting like a jackass. Faux racism is cute, but even a 30 second spell check can help.

Let's talk about how horrible the Los Angeles California Anahiem Los Angeles Angels of Anahiem broadcast crew make Hawk Harrelson look impartial. Let's talk about how I hate Disneyland. Let's talk about how awful those blue and gray uniforms were with the winged A. Those things were vomit worthy. All I know is that the 1986 ALCS was pretty funny and both version of Angels in the Outfield were awful.

Angels were all "male" and had no genitals; that tells you something!

Painted Whores Die Again!

Do not respect this logo, HATE IT!

I hate the Twins. HATE THEM! They lost and the Painted Whores need to rot. I think I got their logo colors wrong but who gives a flying rip? HATE! LOSE AND DIE! 10 in a row, bitches!

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh - It's WONDER MAGIC RAINBOW FIRST PLACE!

I couldn't be bothered to draw a bus again!

Today, thanks to Verlanderday Industries, Magglio Ordonez the Tigers have climbed back into first place before the glorious All Star Break.

Sure the Tigers pitching could be more consistent... well except from Justin Verlander. Verlander is the best pitcher in the majors right now. He's a beast that grows stronger with each blazing fast ball and mind bending off speed pitch he tosses.

With Miguel and the Crew, the Tigers look to try and make a second half stand and win the Tigers first division title since 1987. These men are good at baseball, overall.

Traditionally there has been a second half swoon under Leyland but I am hopeful. The R-O-D, for all its bitching, believes.

I'm Tired, Here's a W!

14 is a Magic Number.

I'd be upset if that last K wasn't so adorable.

When I was a kid I loved the heck out of School House Rock. Learning about the life of a Congressional bill, conjunctions and knife fighting through cartoons and songs. My favorite lesson, though, was how 3 was a number filled with power and blessings from the dark gods.

This seemed to ring true for most of my adult life. Menage-a-trois, triple bacon cheeseburgers, 3 dog nights, 3 card monte, 3 paternity suits, 3 Men and a Baby (and it's obviously awesome sequel: 3 Men and a Little Lady). Each one of those things more magical than a mere 2 or 4. Tonight, I learned something. 14 is the real magic number.

Justin Verlander struck out 14 Snakes and basically treated the Arizona baseball club as if they were his personal punching bag. Nothing more needs to be said about this game. This was Justin Verlander's ball game and we were privileged to get to see him do his thing. Enjoy his career, Tigers fans, JV is the greatest hurler to ever wear an Olde English D.

Oh, and Ryan Raburn still stinks.

Justin Verlander Does That Whole Dominant Pitching Thing

Don Kelly - TRIPLE WIZARD!

The real story of the ball game was Don Kelly - 9 RBI THIS SEASON WIZARD, collecting a single and a triple! If it weren't for his amazing contributions at the plate, the Tigers would have been lost. Really. I'm serious. Believe me!

The evil losing streak stops at 2 and the Devil's favorite team in Colorado that plays baseball and not hockey gets their come uppance. Verlander gets his 9th win of the season and the Tigers win 9 to 1. About bloody time.

Yes, the recaps have gotten shorter but what else can I talk about? Screw you people! Well, maybe I shouldn't be hostile to imaginary folks. Anyhow, the Tigers are hitting, their pitching is generally not awful and the bullpen is not as vomitous as it was before. The big test is post-All Star game because that is when Leyland's teams tend to die. Thankfully this year the hardest part of the schedule is over and done with so it should be better. If not, I expect this town ain't big enough for the both of us (name the band that sang that hit).

The Face Off in the Fotor City? The Mexican Town Stand Off? What Ever You Call It, I Call It Dead Cleveland Tales.

We're trying! For our sake and the sake of all those people who hate you!

Tonight, Justin Verlander decided that the evil Cleveland Emp... hahahahaha! I can't even write that with a straight face. Verlander decimated the Naughty Logos, helping Cleveland revert back to the Sad Sack lifestyle they have grown accustom to: failure.

Is the ball coming towards him or leaving?

The Verlander-Day Industries holiday, Slaughter Cleveland Day, was celebrated by going 7.1 innings of no-hit ball and shutting out Cleveland on 2 total hits. A great celebration was had by all, except those of us who wanted Cleveland no hit.

Watching Justin pitch in 2011 has been nothing short of fantastical. Verlander has become a walking, breathing, sphere hurling Demi-God on the mound. His fiery breath and ability to right what once went wrong while attempting to avenge his father's death at the hand of the six fingered man is truly a modern day myth that everyone should learn. Tonight was the night that the Tigers claimed first place and said: "Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah" to the Naughty Logos. Much fun was had by the whole world, which would collapse under itself should Cleveland accomplish a thing.

I ain't afraid of no multi-base hits!

On a sad note, the Tigers extra base hit streak has died. Backspasms were to blame. Damn you Grady Sizemore! DAMN YOU! 12 and 5, folks. The R-O-D means bidness!

Ahoy, Matey! Marineros Visit Land!

Justin Verlander shut down the the Seatown Marineros, just in time for me to miss most of the game! Seattle is hovering just above .500 while the Tigers are the hottest team in baseball (for some, in more ways than one).

What's the most important thing about this game? Don Kelly - RBI WIZARD! It is the R-O-D and Don Kelly is our spirit wizard.  I will watch the replay of this game on ROOT Sports - for all your plant based sports needs!

Don Kelly - RBI WIZARD is fierce even if his magic bat shoots pink dust.

The Tigers are 9-3 since The R-O-D came to be; BELIEVE!

All Hail the Wonder Bus!

It's like the Venga Bus only it's filled with less creepy old guys falling apart and doesn't head to 6 Flags Over Texas!

Tonight the Tigers scored 2 runs off of a Brennan Boesch home run then decided scoring runs was an unfriendly thing for a group of visitors to do and proceeded to leave people on the lily white bases to ensure that the home town Chicago Worst Sox did not feel bad about themselves.

Meanwhile, Justin Verlander was having none of these Worst Sox. Verlander was mowing down batters like he was a kid on summer vacation trying to get money by mowing lawns for blow or heroin or what ever kids these days are into using money to purchase. Yu-gi-oh? Beyblade? Abortions? Well, anyhow, Verlander made a mistake and some guy in an ugly black uniform who is ugly and from Chicago which has ugly fans hit a 2 run home run out of their bread band box stadium tied up the game in ugly fashion.

The Tigers decided scoring was bad and continued to think Ryan Raburn is worth something by allowing his continued corpse to fester and stink up the line up. When times are rough and The Cleaner (Austin Jackson) hits a lead off triple, leave it to the Tigers to need the Wonder Bus (Miguel Cabrera) to take them on a ride to VICTOLYville (population: zero Hawk Harrelsons). Tigers win 4-2 and this win seemed important, real important. Also: I hate Hawk. Someone shove a can of corn down his beak hole!

Hell is on the right FYI.

US Cellular Field is too small. I drew it to scale but had to make real baseball parks smaller to show just how small it is compared to real parks!