The Return of the Return of the Return of the R-O-D 2!

I'm out of practice... screw you!

The R-O-D is b-a-c-k and s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g every o-t-h-e-r word i-n this s-e-n-t-e-n-c-e! Aw yeah! Or should that be aw y-e-a-h? Forget it - let's talk about The Detroit Tigers!

The Tigers face off against the Baltimore Orioles this weekend and it is a battle of Wild Card Contenders. The Tigers took game one 5-3 thanks to 3 home runs (2 2 run home runs from Prince Fielder). I listened to the game on the radio and wondered just what the hell was going on. I missed every single home run that happened (4, I think) and then I came home and made this terrible thing.

However, this beats what I thought during the Yankees/Rangers games - when I wanted to beat the bullpen (and Teri-bal Sanchez) for their awful performances. (PS: MLivers, you can totally use Teri-bal!)

What is the point of this half asleep recap? There is no point. The Tigers won and maybe can stave off the soulless Oriole Bird's minions long enough to survive. That bird is scary!

Eyes are the Windows to the Soul Prison

Look at that thing! He is waiting, lusting for souls to devour. Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Fuck you, Oriole Bird! Go feed on misery and hopelessness in Cleveland (where it is a permanent resident).

PS: Chicago lost to Kansas City meaning the Tigers are back to being 1.5 games out of first place. Cram it Hawk!

2-1 You Say? This Series Is Not OVER!

DON KELLY - CANNON ARMED CYBORG DEFENSIVE WIZARD

Don Kelly's giant super arm and ability to bunt helped make the difference. SUre, Verlander gave up 4 runs, but he went 8. Brett Gardner is better than you'd think so I hope he falls off the Dale Murphy cliff forever because he's annoying. Tigers win! One more to go. I'm still nervous. I hope that if I vomit it'll be on someone horrible, like Nick Punto.

SERIES TIED?! WE'RE GONNA WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN... or are we?

Raburn is opinionated and misinformed; basically he's like your average fan!

The Tigers defeated the Yankees 5-3. Sure the bullpen gave up 3 runs and sure it was raining all weekend in the City That Never Shuts Up About Itself but getting a split is much better than being down 2 games to 0. The scene switches to Detroit and we have Verlander versus C & C Music Factory. Can 24 game winner Verlander and company handle the hot dance tracks laid down by the producing dynamos... wait, I've just been informed that C. C. Sabathia is pitching. Oh, well, make sure he doesn't gnaw on the ball in between fighting with Joba "JOBA RULEZ" Chamberlain for freshly fried cow in the dugout. Get it? Because they're chubby. Zero off days is kind of scary but then again, it may feel more normal for these teams considering how the season goes.

Waiting Can Make Things Even More Amazing.

The R-O-D's bread and butter: DON KELLY - WIZARD

Baseball is fun and baseball is always with us through half a year. Think about that, every year since you've been alive, half of them have been filled with baseball. The thing with baseball and living is that patience can be rewarded. 

The Tigers won the Central and their first division crown since 1987. Go get'em Tigers.

A Little Love Can Make the Hardest Things Go Smoothly

Enter the Fist! aka In Fist We Trust! aka FISTING FOR VICTOLY!

Doug Fister is a sentimental favorite of mine from the Seattle Mariners. When I heard that the Tigers had acquired Fister, I was very excited. First off, his last name is Fister! Secondly, Fister works very hard and eats innings. Third: Fister just seems like a necessary cog every winning team needs (workhorse, solid back end of the rotation fella).

The problem with Fister is he rarely had any runs scored for him (I believe somewhere in the range of 2.5 runs a game). Well, fear not, dear Fister! The roaring Tigers army has brought its bats to your party. Fister served in 7 innings and gave Detroit's iffy bullpen some help. How did Doug Fister do this? I have secret inside information on the creature that helped Fister come to Detroit! 

The New GM of the Detroit Tigers!

Clippy is now Doug Fister's bestest friend and Clippy is now 2 for 2 in the advice column!

An Old Friend Helps David Purcey and David Dombrowski

This is a Feature I Believe is Long Overdue in Baseball '11!

Often maligned, much hated and misunderstood, our friend Clippy has found a new job courtesy of David Dombrowski and the Tigers front office. After David Purcey had managed to figure out a way from going from suck to blow and forgetting what a strike was, it became apparent that a solution was needed. Luckily for us all, Clippy had the answer! Now Purcey has been Ctrl + Alt + DFA'd we can all hope for better and brighter days. Have a Mac? I probably hate you.

This Creature Wants to Eat You!

Also: Brennan Boesch, who's scary visage I butchered to the right, hit a game winning home run in the rain or something. Tigers beat Tejas 6-5! Huzzah!

The Worst Named Team in MLB Today Show Grit, Determination and that They and Their Fanbase Should Choke on Their Own Vomit.

Shitty Balll and What Looks Like a Golden Toilet

So there was some hoopla over a bunt, a pitcher who gets annoyed at the slightest possible slight and angry over a giant slight. Chuck Guillen is the biggest murderer since that one guy who killed that other guy and made him an angel (see what I did there).

All insults aside, I decided to get about as dirty as I could because I felt justified because some other jerks on the internet fail to see why everyone was acting like a jackass. Faux racism is cute, but even a 30 second spell check can help.

Let's talk about how horrible the Los Angeles California Anahiem Los Angeles Angels of Anahiem broadcast crew make Hawk Harrelson look impartial. Let's talk about how I hate Disneyland. Let's talk about how awful those blue and gray uniforms were with the winged A. Those things were vomit worthy. All I know is that the 1986 ALCS was pretty funny and both version of Angels in the Outfield were awful.

Angels were all "male" and had no genitals; that tells you something!

Jhonny Peralta Owns the Twinks.

Supporting Guns and Cloning!

The Tigers trounced the SPPW today thanks to more Peralta antics. Did anyone think Jhonny would be this good when he was acquired? If you said yes you are a filthy, dirty, scum bag liar! Peralta is the best offensive shortstop in the AL this year and that is insane. The + Betemit line up looks, dare I say, good. The Tigers need to address this whole bad bullpen/inconsistent starting pitching. And pray for Chuck Guillen. The Tigers need their Glass Man.

Painted Whores Die Again!

Do not respect this logo, HATE IT!

I hate the Twins. HATE THEM! They lost and the Painted Whores need to rot. I think I got their logo colors wrong but who gives a flying rip? HATE! LOSE AND DIE! 10 in a row, bitches!

Tigers Win, Oakland Loses and DANCING!

Dancing machines!

So Victor Martinez, Miguel Cabrera and Carlos Guillen, aka the members of the new Venezuelan Mafia, elected to do something today as the Tigers trounced a tepid Oakland baseball team. The story of the evening was Victory Martinez's dancing feet. Well done, Victor, well done. Also: Ryan Raburn has the sads because he is finally on the bench. If only Brandon "KISSING BANDIT" Inge would go away.

I Set This Update for the 18th by Mistake!

A Wizard's Hat!

Today the Tigers staved off a sweep via remembering that scoring runs is not a rude thing for host baseball teams to do. Amazingly, Carlos "Soon to be Back on the DL" Guillen proved that even though he is mostly a cripple, he is still better than Ryan Raburn! No, Ryan, I won't take that back!

Anyhow, work has made the R-O-D less impressive but we will soldier on! Some other team plays the Tigers. Let's hope the striped heroes don't forget to bring their bats!

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh - It's WONDER MAGIC RAINBOW FIRST PLACE!

I couldn't be bothered to draw a bus again!

Today, thanks to Verlanderday Industries, Magglio Ordonez the Tigers have climbed back into first place before the glorious All Star Break.

Sure the Tigers pitching could be more consistent... well except from Justin Verlander. Verlander is the best pitcher in the majors right now. He's a beast that grows stronger with each blazing fast ball and mind bending off speed pitch he tosses.

With Miguel and the Crew, the Tigers look to try and make a second half stand and win the Tigers first division title since 1987. These men are good at baseball, overall.

Traditionally there has been a second half swoon under Leyland but I am hopeful. The R-O-D, for all its bitching, believes.

We're On a Mission from uh, Some Guy

Don Kelly - XING WIZARD redux!

Tigers win, Naughty Logos lose. Looks like we have a Forrest Dirks for lead off sighting on the radar. My work schedule precludes me from watching games so I just have to go on what I read. So far, I like where this is all going! Half a game behind the vile Clevelanders.

By Your Powers Combined...

Who would have thought this would happen?

Today was a wondrous day. Both Don Kelly, ADEQUATE BASEBALL WIZARD and Ryan "Sad Sack" Raburn contributed to a Tigers victory. Phil Coke was good out of the bullpen, Max - AAAAAAAH AAAAAAAH , Savior of the Universe appeared. Overall, nothing else could be asked for from these Tigers. The Naughty Logos still managed to win but as we have seen, they aren't a sure thing.

I can't believe I had the chance to draw this!

Get On Board the Wonder Bus

Mac Tonight approves!

When the Tigers are down and all their fans begin to frown a hero is found. A man named Miguel, whom baseball people say - that man can play baseball very well.

On this night, the 6th of July, did Miguel hit a ball that did fly. Fly far into the California night,ending the Tigers plight of being far behind, and win the Tigers did in kind.

Oh Wonder Bus, what is all the fuss? I hear naysayers shout. What is this nickname all about? I say look to the score - Detroit 5, Anaheim 4.

Good Bye Dumb National League!

I never expected this!

Tigers win 6-3; Ryan Raburn makes game saving catch. I have no more words.

I'm Tired, Here's a W!

The Land of Make Up Believe!

Dangerous terrorists live there and they speak French!

The R-O-D does not condone Canada, at all. Our villains to the north are shifty and are up to no good. Tonight, because of evil rain outs, the Canadians had to invade Comerica yet again. Thankfully, the Tigers were up to the task and beat up the evil beaver invasion vanguard 4-2.

NEVER!

I heard Ryan Raburn did something but I decided he didn't deserve praise, because he's awful. Suck on that, Reliant K!

The Tragic Tumultuous Times of Ryan Raburn.

Yin and Yang, Good and Evil, Not Good and Not Good, Ryan Raburn and Don Kelly.

Brad Penny had a good game today. Sure he allowed 2 runs, in toto, but that's called a quality start people. The Tigers bats had managed 1 run courtesy of a Jhonny Peralta of the H Clan. Then, then skip realized the error of his ways.

With a crucial at bat coming up (or something), Leyland realized his only hope was magic. While Ryan Raburn sought redemption for being stinky (as usual), Leyland wanted to win the game, for Sparky and because winning is what you're supposed to want to do anyhow. Instead of Reliant K, Ole Jim went with Don Kelly - PINCH HITTING WIZARD. Lo and behold, the Tigers were rewarded.

The above comic tells the story. Tigers win, Wizards win, Raburn loses. 8-3 is the final! Good times.

Afternoon Delight

The Tigers beat the Dodgers in an afternoon game that maybe 30 people saw. That's 89 more people than the total attendance for the Tampa Bay Rays in the month of June! The Tigers get the old star and trident Mariners' logo for their efforts! Good job (see me after class because you've stunk most of the time).

The M's should go back to this logo.