A Second Set of Verbal Victuals

No set schedule means that I will procrastinate, but two out of infinity isn't significant!

Here you go, the Art of a Mistake episode 2: The Art of a Mistake Ep. 2

I swear I won't just talk about video games.

The R-O-D talks about something.

Hello,

I doubt anyone visits here, but today I have started a little audio thing. An audio broadcast recording, or aubrording. Maybe I'll think of a less cumbersome name not enthralled to a certain fruit based tech company's dead portable audio player.

Anyhow, you can listen to it here: The Art of a Mistake

The R-O-D transitions. Baseball and other sadness.

The year 2018 follows the year 2017. This finds your modest, R-O-D'er thinking about reviving the inglorious b-l-o-g known as the R-O-D. This time, maybe I'll update it more than once every 3 years.

This time, we've got links and maybe some commentary.

First link:

Seattle and Public Banking: looks like Seattle may be taking the leap to make a public bank (something Alexander Hamilton would have gotten on board with should he have timed warped over here and not become a POG addict)

Sinking Ship?: Republican law makers are retiring. The House of Representatives may turn to the opposition party. My sources (an almost finished bag of Tapatio Doritos (you're welcome for the plug)) has told me it won't be a pajama jammy jam.

Cell Phone Jam? Can We Have Jelly Instead?: Another Politico link. Another attempt to plug the leaks in the White House. Hair plugs are still OK.

Shine On, Dave Cameron: While the entirety of Fangraphs, Dave Cameron was certainly as close to the heart and soul as could be. A bright future for him, I hope. Still, a shocker. I hope he can help the Friars (that's the San Diego Padres to you non-dorky baseball loving folks).

Why Did I Click This Link?: Old guys play music. Don't read this article as it is dumb.

Did Someone Die?: I haven't fully read this link, fair warning. The whole Fusion GPS testimony has a lawyer saying someone already "...been killed" thanks to the Russia-Trump investigation.

This is probably one of the worst link farms ever. Yet, you read it. Click them or something.

A Terrible Idea That Went Nowhere

The R-O-D returns with... game reviews!

First, let's just get this out of the way: I backed Chroma Squad on Kickstarter. How could I pass up the option to help fund a game that is a tribute and commentary on the sentai genre?

The game itself is a tactical RPG that has you take control of a fledgling studio trying to make its way in the daunting world of sentai television. You choose your squad members (each one has different abilities they bring to the table), sayings, names, catch phrases... and most importantly colors. Always wanted 5 black rangers? You can do that here. Let me tell you, not having a dumb red guy as a leader was refreshing. Hot tip: pick the beaver as your leader and you shall never go wrong.

Combat is intuitive with plenty to unlock and good synergies between your squad. You have your leader, who is a cross between all the members. There's the assault person, who beats up things. You have your tech guru, who isn't Billy and thus, isn't terrible. There's your support - they heal and use bows (pink color optional). Finally, there's the scout... everyone forgets them and really, they just stab things.

The game is more than just a tribute, it has a fun little story that recognizes, comments, and embraces the genre. There are nods to other pop cultural references and events. While the joke could have worn thin, Behold Studios has deftly navigated the waters from poor imitation to love letter.

Chroma Squad is a tribute to a cultural phenomenon and a gift to those who share that same passion. I recommend taking a chance on this game - it's fun and entertaining. I enjoyed entering a giant gesalt mech and beating up giant enemies.

This review was timely when I forgot I had placed it in my drafts. I still like the game.

First new post in years!

The Return of the Return of the Return of the Return of the Return of the Comeback of the R-O-D

Well now, it's been over a year since this giant ball of crap has rotated the sun and the R-O-D has been dormant.

Why?

Writing about baseball is hard when you don't watch too much (thanks to schedules). Instead of only writing, and drawing crap, about beisbol, the R-O-D is about to try writing about whatever the R-O-D wants.

Will the R-O-D succeed? Probably not. Will the R-O-D ever stop talking about the R-O-D in the third person? Probably not. Will the R-O-D be entertaining? Probably not. Did Easy-E die of complications from AIDS? Probably.

Was it necessary to make that joke? Probably not.

An ancient tale

Long ago, a young looking bench Wizard tried to fight off a bloated, two headed beast. Tonight, we see a repeat of this scenario.

Let us hope that we see a victorious Olde English D.

Well now...

It's raw.

I've survived 32 years of being a fan of the Detroit Tigers. I was a 6 year old kid in Washington (not DC), who just so happened to see Alan Trammell and Lou Whitaker on TV. A short 2 years later, those Tigers won the World Series and that was the cement in my fandom.

29 years.

I'm approaching middle age, and I still love the game of baseball. I still love the Tigers. I still love the fact that I care.

Maybe that's why the losses bother me so much; why the wait for the next ballgame takes so long; why there is always worry gnawing at me no matter what the score says.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow the Detroit Tigers will retake the field and tomorrow they'll have another chance at a win.

I can hardly wait.

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! Redux!

ALL SHALL KNEEL BEFORE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Oh, and your baseball team is in trouble!

The R-O-D has awakened! aka HORRIBLE goes pants on head angry!

Justin Verlander gives the Tigers a chance to go up 2-0 against the Athletics and... the bats go *poof*. Then, of course, Ron Mexico does a terrible job in the 9th.

This, my one follower, was enough to wake the R-O-D from slumber.

AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!

I Hope I'm Proven Wrong

Man, I can't even say wee!

Why?

I ask myself that question quite often. Usually it stems from a regretful overindulgence or obsessing over a bit of miniutae. However, in more than just a few occasions, it has been due to the self inflicted pain of caring about a sport.

Baseball.

The National Pastime of the United States of America.

The game that has given me a number of emtional deaths.

Why do I keep coming back to baseball? After all the scars you have inflicted on my heart? After all the gut wrench pain you have put me through? After all the misery, tears and what ifs?

I cannot answer that, not right now.

I just know things will be better. Whether it is true or not, whether the pains of an unconditional, one sided love are worth it or whether it is best to become jaded and walk away - those questions mean nothing.

Things will be better.

Come February, come pitchers and catchers reporting, come the promise of Spring and a clean, fresh year - things will be better.

1987. 1989. 2003. 2006. 2009. 2011. 2012.

With each year listed, I flinch. My first heartbreak wasn't to a girl, it was to the Minnesota Twins. When Darrell Evans was picked off third, I learned what fear truly was and what resignation felt like.

I've had my share of romantic heartbreak and disappointment, but none that was steady, constant and all consuming as my love for the Detroit Tigers.

So I will stew, hem and haw. I will mourn the loss. I will swear to high heaven that I will stay away.

Then I will look at the Olde English D and remember the ghosts that I loved and I will be back.

2012 in an MSPaint Nutshell

Those wheels look unsafe at any speed... plus at that angle it looks like this is going to hurt.

So the Tigers managed to get swept by the Royals, sweep the White Sox, and finish up losing 2 out of 3 against the Cleveland Indians. Seriously? I've had random die generators more consistent than this team. Mind you, the Tigers are still in every hunt necessary but watching them find new, exciting (read: not exciting) ways to lose baseball games (offensive lapses in more ways than one) is annoying.

See, I do not like rollercoasters. I am not a big fan of amusement parks or rides or people. All three tend to congregate at those rollercoaster things or you find them in amusement parks and people are something something.

I would genuinely be appreciative if you, Detroit Tigers, would drive a can of corn collectively in the "hearts" (in theory Chi-Sox fans have hearts... in theory) of the White Sox's dreams of playoff promised land. That would make my minute or day or something.

Oh, and thank you for bringing back my two favorite comedians: Don Kelly and Ryan Raburn. This blog would be less interesting without those two (from zero to negative interesting in 2 demotions flat)!

What, me worry?

Now is not the time to let silly things like letting the Royals use your team as a punching bag derail the root-choo train!

The White Sox and Tigers are fighting for first. Let's hope for a Detroit sweep. I don't have anything funny to add.

The R-O-D is present and accounted for in August... the Tigers? Well...

Horror. Horror has a face, and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and mortal terror are your friends. -  Kurtz 

I have no idea just what in the Sam Hill happened but I know crap when I see it and that game was crap. The Orioles take 2 out of 3 from the Tigers and that damned Bird just stares at me. The cold tendrils of the yawning abyss beckon.

On the plus side I had a very nice teriyaki chicken pizza!

Here's how losing feels!

EVIL DPS!

These guys are from the bad side of town.

Thanks a ton, Tigers. All them DPs and all them ways to not score. Thanks guys!

The Return of the Return of the Return of the R-O-D 2!

I'm out of practice... screw you!

The R-O-D is b-a-c-k and s-p-e-l-l-i-n-g every o-t-h-e-r word i-n this s-e-n-t-e-n-c-e! Aw yeah! Or should that be aw y-e-a-h? Forget it - let's talk about The Detroit Tigers!

The Tigers face off against the Baltimore Orioles this weekend and it is a battle of Wild Card Contenders. The Tigers took game one 5-3 thanks to 3 home runs (2 2 run home runs from Prince Fielder). I listened to the game on the radio and wondered just what the hell was going on. I missed every single home run that happened (4, I think) and then I came home and made this terrible thing.

However, this beats what I thought during the Yankees/Rangers games - when I wanted to beat the bullpen (and Teri-bal Sanchez) for their awful performances. (PS: MLivers, you can totally use Teri-bal!)

What is the point of this half asleep recap? There is no point. The Tigers won and maybe can stave off the soulless Oriole Bird's minions long enough to survive. That bird is scary!

Eyes are the Windows to the Soul Prison

Look at that thing! He is waiting, lusting for souls to devour. Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Fuck you, Oriole Bird! Go feed on misery and hopelessness in Cleveland (where it is a permanent resident).

PS: Chicago lost to Kansas City meaning the Tigers are back to being 1.5 games out of first place. Cram it Hawk!

Exit the Error Wizard

All Glove, Love sans Stick. 

Many things have happened in the two months that the R-O-D has been silent. A couple of folks returned, a top pitching prospect was traded, the Tigers offense went AWOL, Ryan Raburn continued to blow goat chunks. Wondrous and exiting developments abounded while the R-O-D's erstwhile curator elected to waste time doing things besides chronicling an odd obsession with terri-bad players.

What, dear R-O-D reader (Hi Mom!) could bring me back? Nothing but news of the untimely demise of Don Kelly - Error Wizard.

I remember writing a recrap on Bless You Boys about a baseball game. While I remember very little about that day in May (I think I was in Bogota fighting Hand agents about to spike the world's supply of Stiva or something), I do remember calling Don Kelly a Wizard. Despite my non-interest in Don Kelly, the nickname stuck. Don Kelly is not a talented batsman. He cannot really hit Major League pitching... but he was fun to watch. Don could field and he helped the Tigers win the 2011 American League Division Series.

Don Kelly was not much but he was a Wizard. I felt like I had to say something. I hope things work out for this guy I will never meet nor ever know. He provided me with entertainment and I made up a dumb nickname that folks liked for him. That has to be worth something.

Off Days Aren't Supposed to Be Tumultuous!

RWAR! Baseball well drawn and crappily drawn hearts with equal glee!

May 3rd could be the last day in Mariano Rivera's storied career. Those that have talked with me know I think closers are unnecessary and, quite frankly, your best reliever should be pitching in your highest leverage situation and not with 0 on in the 9th inning of a game. There are always exceptions to situations and Mariano Rivera is... was, that exception. 

Rivera's cut fastball is devastatingly effective and since he threw it almost exclusively, probably the greatest pitch in baseball history. Well, he just tore his ACL and was considering retirement already. Considering how awful of a knee injury a torn ACL is and his age, Rivera is most likely done forever. Despite hating the New York Yankees, their fan base, the media investment in anything New York, Nick Swisher, the ludicrously short porch in right and anything to do with Jeter, Rivera was ok (if he wasn't shutting the door on your team).

The last active 42 is gone, for 2012 and perhaps ever. Mark Texiera's quote sums up how I feel about baseball: “I told you this game is cruel before the game". Magglio Ordonez knows what it is like to leave on an injury, to relate this to the Tigers. Some struggle through the pain of trying to get near their pre-injury levels, gnashing their teeth and clawing to come close to competing in the apex of their field. All the while whispers of "will they make it" or "what might have been" slip through the lips of everyone - questions that have escaped the minds of those who watch and wonder.

Players do not get to choose when their playing days are over - either management or their bodies make that decision. Baseball is a game centered around failure, centered around waiting and centered around hope. The game of baseball is cruel, teasing you in the spring with promises of blue skied springs, lazy summer days and golden trophies in early fall. Most years the skies are overcast or blistering but bearable because of The Game. When the ticklish fingers of Fall begin to chill our Game leaves. Sometimes I wonder why I put myself through this, year after year. Why do I love The Game so much? Why do I willingly expose myself to an irrational hurt? When my team wins I feel good for a few moments but would not doing some exercise or self improvement provide a more lasting high? 

Why do I do it? Because I have a memory and The Game has a memory. Mariano Rivera, the man, may have been felled but Mariano Rivera the Closer - he will never be touched. The Closer will remain a folk tale that will live on longer than you or I. Just like Magglio Ordonez's home run in Game 4 of the ALDS, the performance of "The Hackman" for the Giants in the NLCS, like Buck Leonard and Bob Gibson.

All things end but sometimes that ending is just a beginning.

I Hear New York Holds is All the Rage!

BASEBALL NO LIKE TIGERS! TIGERS SMELL LIKE DESPAIR!

Today looked like a day where the Tigers may find a way to overcome adversity, their slumping bats and their off field turmoil. Against the Yankees, in New York, the Tigers looked to like a team that was going to win in spite of themselves.

Of course this is not a movie and everything went to utter shit.

Don Kelly made an error and run 5 scored because of said error. Benoit still can't shut down folks in the 8th inning and Brayan Villareal then elected to throw a ball that Alex Avila let go, bringing in the winning run. Sure, Verlander allowed two home runs and 5 runs scored (4 earned).

Still, the lead should have held up. Instead the Tigers end up with their 5th straight loss and have lost 7 out of their last 8. Additionally Delmon Young says something stupid and gets an assault charge, Brandon Inge is released and the fan base is in a tizzy.

What can be done? Nothing - things have to right themselves. Eldred had a decent night for a call up and, well, there were hits. Sure, runners were stranded but the Tigers were hitting. I want to wring my hands and get really frustrated but there comes a point where you just have to say maalesh - it's nothing, it doesn't matter. Why would I tell you to say this arabic word? Because this blip does not matter in the grand scheme of the season or the grand scheme of anything - this is just turmoil. Every endeavor has something like this and the less panic that happens the better.

The Tigers are a talented ball club and will come around or make moves that can help should they be called for considering the circumstances. Fister will return, our 5th starter will be a 5th starter, Don Kelly will still be a Wizard and the Wonderbus & Thunderbus will rumble down the interstate striking fear in the hearts of opposing pitchers. The Tigers are a good team and even good teams have downs during a baseball season. 162 games has a way of evening most things out. That evening out is why good teams win close to 90 games and great teams close in on 100.

I'd like to end this entry with one thing: thank you Brandon Inge for your years of community service and adorkable antics.

The Hot, Sexy Kissing Booth - signing off.

3... er 4 Updates in a Month & The Mariners Come to Detroit

That thing is pretty darn deep!

Loyal R-O-D reader(s) - the next opponent for our beloved Tigers are none other than those swinging Mariners of Seattle. Don't be fooled by the fact Miguel Olivo and Chone Figgins are not good. Also, ignore Brendan Ryan - he's worth about 1.8 Wilsons so he's not that good either. Um...

Lemme think...

Uh...

The Tigers offense is not exactly lighting the world on fire and the Mariners offense is not exactly breathing too well on its own. There are all sorts of numbers one can look at to determine what could be going on but numbers and I, we are not friends. Numbers is my bookie.

The Mariners are still in a rebuilding phase, hoping Justin Smoak, Dustin Ackley and Jesus Montero can be the new Three Amigos while the Tigers are in WIN NOW mode. If I had to give some predictions I would say the Tigers should take 2 out of 3 from the M's (especially if Knock Out Noesi pitches (he is called Knock Out because he always seems to knock out walks, home runs and sucktacular pitching efforts)).

However, the Tigers may lose the series if their bats elect to find everywhere but places where fielders are not stationed. Perhaps home plate will be lonely this entire series, with only a few catchers to chat up and no one coming to visit.

Oh, and while this place is named after a more Tigers-centric phrase meaning "hit under .200" with the way Ryan Raburn tends to hit early in the season I have (since 2011) christened the Ryan Raburn Ravine for those folks who cannot manage to hit a robust .100 - you can thank me later.

Whelp, That Series Was Awful.

Rare first edition rookie card of the newest R-O-D sensation - Street Pizza!

The Tigers dropped the 4 game to the Rangers via a horrible call by an umpire. Rather than dwell on this terrible tun of events I am going to show off a rare collector's card of the hottest free agent ever - Street Pizza, dead cat LF extraordinaire!

I expect the Tigers to try to bid for Street Pizza's services but they'd better back up the Brinks if they want this amazing talent!